Thursday, December 31, 2009

My most memorable day of the year

The most memorable day of my life will always be my b'day. I can guess it's urs too. Today is my birthday, so I have the luxury of recounting all I've done for the year that's about to end.


The end of this year also marks the end of this decade. I grew up to be a woman in this decade. Loved in this decade and for a while, lost myself and my way to God. I also found my way slowly back to Him.

I had so many opportunities good and bad which I took seriously and unseriously. This decade began with me starting my senior secondary education, sitting and failing my WAEC/O'levels which i didn't take well at all. Started having serious relationships, going out in the real world not knowing what's really there.

Worked with Tell communications ltd which helped me realise that I have a long way to go, first as a security operative then as an office assistant a year and a month later- through the Managing Editor who saw something 'unique' in me.

Now am finally close to my dream. Am in a tertiary institution, studying part-time and also working in another publishing house.

As always, I wouldn't say it's been a smooth journey so far. I think I learn't more this year than any other year. I still look too matured for my age and lot would kill for my stature.


P.S: Santa didn't me last night till this morning @ 8:30am. He wished me happy b'day. Last night I had a flash back about what might have caused his change of heart; when i told him about my rent problems; which volunteered to pay part, and my refusal to be his girlfriend. Well he can pout all he wants, I ain't changing my mind!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

A total let-down



Everytime I start to relax and believe that there is a different man in this world I tend to be disappointed? Why? Is there no religious or traditional man out there. What's happening? Do men have to lie to get into our pants?


I can't help but say that my lack of faith in humanity has been founded. Look at Santa of all people. He started by preaching to me. what happened to practicing what you preach.


The last time we went out, he actually suggested that I join him (this was at 2am) in his house after he dropped me @ home. My mind recalled the warning signs that's been there from the first day we met when he asked me to choose having sex with him that night and going for the total experience at the TBS. I refused ofcourse and choose the later.




I also remember that I told him that i can't and shouldn't have anyting to do with a married man. He told me he was separated from his wife. I replied by saying, "it doesn't metter to me separated or not u're still with your wife and i can't i just can't". I thought he was joking. Apparently he's not.


I guess he thinks am interested in him. Am not. He stinks ok. He has this pot belly i can't stand. He doesn't understand that what i need from him is neither sex nor money but feeding;spiritual feeding not otherwise. I was looking for a break from the world and what's in it. I need him as a mentor , nothing more!


He told me he would call before today, which is his brother's wedding. So as twelve noon when he didn't like he promised two days ago, i decided to call him. Like i guessed, he w gave me an excuse, by telling me sharply; "I'll call u back am driving". I decided that he's already tired of me. that he's no different from others and that it's just as i thought 'men are the same, I shouldn't waste my time and future waiting on princecharming 'cos he won't come'
I wish he'd call back, fix me a meeting so that i can tell him my mind! Am not a call girl and i'll never be!

I really need to start writing for www.agboolaolomola.com 'cos ve been invited. I want to start filling up my other blog http://talk2jane.blog.com too. Guess am scared about the informations about me i'll be revealing.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Desperation 2

My santa (u remember) came back yesterday. i felt well, he's definetly going to brighten my week. he called me, told me he had a load of work to do today. I was disappointed but he was quick to reassure me. told me he would make out time and pick me up later tonite.
My world lit up. The time ve been waiting for for a week has come. I couldn't wait for his next call. I started dancing and doing things i never thought i would be able to do; preparing my mind for things i would tell him when i see him: what my dad said, my school fees, boyfriends, everything.
I remembered that I share with him my innermost thoughts and feelings. I can't remember feeling this safe with anyone like this before. 'Twas like i told him an angel sent from God to me.
I guess 1 reason why i felt so safe with him is because he never made any advances towards me.
Am grateful though, one tiny part of me asked if it was wise but i ignored it. After all i can't be an ice maiden for life. I just cn't wait to see him and collect what he brought for me from Dubai. He even said he'd take me to Siverbird cinema, again!!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Desperation

Have u ever loved somebody so much it makes u cry? Have u ever needed something so bad u can't sleep at night? have u ever tried to find the words but they don't come out right? Have you ever? Have you ever?


That's from one of my favorite artistes; Brandy. Am sure each and ev'ry one of us have had one of those moments. Momens where u ask ursef if u're doing,done or said the right thing, if u made the right decision, or taken the right step.


I'll be twenty-two next thursday, and i've found myself asking myself those questions. Funny isn't it? While in high school, i had great hopes and dreams about what i wanted to be, where i wanted to be and who i wanted to be.


It didn't occur to me that i'd have to tackle with betrayals, struggles, temptations and trials plus so much more. I was an innocent in every sense of the word. All i knew how to do best was read. I'd go to classes everyday with a copy of Diane Castell, Nora Roberts or any romantic novel i can lay my hands on. Whenever a lecture's going on i'd makes sure my novel is in the middle of my notebook or textbook. I'll be reading at the sametime avoiding being caught.


I had no idea that fews years from then i'd fail my exams ,my younger sis would be impregnated by an irresponsible tenage boy or that my parents would threaten to disown me for not supporting them in advising my sis to get married to a man old enough to be her grandfather because of "money problems" her to the pregnancy.


I've really come a long way. I can't say i've been able to survive this alone. I've had the lord on my side in every battle i've fought, friends who i turn to; who'd listen to me and feel helpless 'cos they think they can't do anything. what they don't know is that by listening they are doing much more than they can ever imagine.


I got a job against the will of my dad. Re-wrote my exams, passed it and went on to pick a form in a tertiary institution.


I've started school now. It's taking a whole lot from me and my dad's still not pleased. I used to care about what he thinks and what he says or what people'll say but i've stopped all that. I live my life the way i want it. He called this morning. He wants me to put my education on hold and start supporting the family. Should i listen to him? should i put my education on hold? If i had listened to him before would i be where i am today? These quetions' been running through my head all morning. All i could think was "he's doing it again" I won't give in.


The other day i was so desperate, cos i felt i've not tried enough, done enough. I was so close to loosing my morales and sanity(people still think i am). That's when depression sets in. Desperation leads to depression. Depression is one of the worst states anyone can be in 'cos it leads to death.

I've come close to that so many times. When i do, somthing pulls me back; telling me his grace is enough for me, that there is time and life yet, and when there's life there's hope.
I was born on a Wednesday so i've got an adventurer's spirit. I jump at any opportunity i get and i've few of them i'd like to record them by blogging it. I labelled this "My escapades" Am gonna be writing about my daily experiences; at home, at work and with men. Each day i see new, weird and exciting things. A day may either lighten or ruin my week.
Sit back and enjoy!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Last night


Last night, i went out with one of the most cunniest men. When i was with Tell he paid me all the attention he taught i needed. He took me to my fav eatery. Bought me nothing more than water, salad or meatpies.

Told me he loves me, thinking that would sway me. He tells me "u're a good girl please keep it up. but don't let anyone spoil u, remain as u are, u're too gullible"And when he saw that it was going nowhere either, he told me he wants to marry me. I told him i wasn't interested. He stopped troubling me; moved on to another girl.

Few days ago i got a phone call. guess who it was;Mr love. and am like "ooh God here we go again what does he want". he sets up a date insist on coming to my school to pick me up. I tot that was an improvement. Though he didn't come;he doesn't always fulfil his promises, he asked that i meet him at the "usual point".

I told myself i would talk but i won't reveal too much. if he starts his "I luv u or u're a gud girl" lullaby am going to walk out on him. thank God am gud at that.

At Tantallizers last night I ate, drank and still he didn't know more than he ought to. Everytime he wants to bring up the 'u're still gullible' stuff, I brush him off.I think i was trying to punish him for not being in touch even though i told him i wasn't interested.I wanted him to come out and tell me what he really wanted from me; he couldn't tell and i tot "well it's just as well".

Nobody won and nobody lost and still i felt that empty part of me crying out again, feeling left out.

Can't help it. I've learned in a hardway that u can't get everything u want from life. U get some, take some, and leave some.

I no one day i'd get to meet my own not-so-perfect- prince charm but until then, my time belongs to God and doing i what i no how to do best. And when i do meet him, oh lord, thre'd better be media 'cos am gonna do somthing wonderful!




Thursday, December 17, 2009

Is viginity a crime?

Wikipedia defines Virginity as a state of being a vigin. A virgin or a maiden is a woman who's never had sexual intercourse. The word "Virgin" was derived from the Latin Virgo, which means"sexually inexperienced woman". It was meant for adolescents, older women and godesses. Virginity was once regarded as a state of purity and thing of value, somthing to be proud of. There were some traditions, in those days, who regard the loss of virginity before marriage is a matter of deep shame to a family .

Now it seems no one wants to be left out of things. Virginity is now seen as a thing of shame in the society. It's ironic how things have changed. Some people think virginity is a curse. They say one has be disvirgined before marriage to allow easy childbirth.What is the world turning into? Safe sex is even much more preached than abstinence.

Deciding you want to remain a virgin is one of the most difficcult choices one can ever make. Especially when faced with a society that no longer belive in moral values and purity of the mind and body.You also have to consider sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy-physical factors and emotional factors.

For teens, it is advisable for them to use their judgements and not to be easily swayed by friends. It is hard because we all have our wills and beliefs. One man's goose is another's gander. Being oneself is what makes you unique.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT BECAUSE OTHERS ARE DOING IT. Do it because you want it and when you do make sure it is at the right time. A friend of mine told me her own experience. She says " I just wanted to know what it is , they say it makes one feel good but when i did at that time I bemoaned my virginity because i could have waited easily for it" It is important at the youth stage to spend time discovering yourself. When you feel ready to have sex you can. Investing time into what will be or what you want to be tommorrow leaves you no time for frivolities.

To me virginity is neither a crime nor an atrocity. It speaks of one's uniqueness and his ability to persevere.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

A day wit Santa

Hi guys,
Last monday morning found me walking on air. I can hear questions; why?I had the most wonderful I mean the best weekend of my life. I met my own Santa. I've been working on this piece since that day, hoping to finsh it but work cum daydreaming wouln't let me.Seriously, am not kidding. I don't mean the red garbed man, no, A real man, different in all ramifications.Hold on let bring my head down from the clouds. Many of us find ourselves in situations where we can't help ourselves.
We think dreams are for the would-be cinderrellas or the unserious type. But it is not true. The more you dream about what u want from life, who u want to be and where u want to be, the more u start thinking about putting it to practice, realising it or actualizing, then u're on ur way to achievement.
That was just a digression. A week before I meeting my santa, I was depressed. That's depressed with a capital 'D'. I understood why girls my age go into sex hawking.
A boyfriend once told me that females are not one percent okay. My fingers itched to slap him but i knew that to gain u've got to listen before acting; I've also learnt that listeners are wise, so I listened to the point he had to make. He told me that we females make choices all the time, we don't want to settle with what we have most of the time and when we do make those choices, we easily unmake them, so to speak, we find it hard to make a decision and stick to it. A part of me agreed with him, but my pride and his wouldn't let me tell him that.
Everyone of one us have principles, we have what we believe in. No one wants to go against that but when situations beyond our controls arises we find out that from Superhumans we are just ordinary humans. Therefore we have no say about it.
I was reading a colleagues' blog early last week. He was talking about women and their unfaithfulness and I wanted to comment on it, asking why he didn't talk about men's unfaithfulness. There are so many playboys in(and some who are enrolling) whose sole responsibilities are to have "fun". They believe having fun is "helping ourselves"
Men these days no longer believe in relationships whereby the word 'sex' doesn't ocur. I met one last night on my way from school and the next thing i knew was he asked me if I could come see him at home. I looked up and asked God if am ever going to meet a man who wouldn't want sex first then ask questions later.
Back to my Santa. I met him on the 4th of December 2009. That night is going to history because that night I got my first Santa gift. Earlier that day I had made up my mind to break my principles and values, so that i can "use what I have to get what I want" besides what does principles and values have to do with it? Can it give me money for xmas or pay my school fees which was long overdue?
I didn't know that I was depressed. and when U're in depression u can do anything. I wanted to meet one of "them" to give me what i want. On my way, he called me and cancelled. I was so furious that i dropped from the bus I was in and decided at nine pm that night, foolishly to walk home.
Not upto ten minutes later, after trying in vain to get him on his mobile and ask him why he decided to cancel what we've both waited for two months for, I saw a jeep packed besides me. I whispered 'they've come again' and entered the car. I think I should stop here.
Santa claus inspired me. I felt like someone poured a bucket of cold water on me. It felt like I met God telling me things, reminding me that all that glitters' not gold; things don't last and the likes. He gave me what I can't put into words much less into writing. At this moment, I still can't explain. I was honoured and awed at the same time.
At this time of my life, things rarely surprises me or discomfits me. But that night both were happening.
I fought depression. I realised that no matter how far we have gone in life or what we've done, nothing is ever too late for us. We can do it; we can reform ourselves. It only requires a step and the rest is.........
I told Santa that I had been planning on attending the Experience 2009, which took place that night, but i was no longer interested in going. He told me that what i lacked was determination. He asked me if i really wanted to be there and I nodded. He drove me down to TBS that night and I had another experience.
I have never seen such a man in my life before. I can only hope that there are many of them like that, unmarried ofcourse. I don't want another woman's property, separated or not. I want my own!
So gals please keep on dreaming. It may take a long time, u may have just a pair of clothesan shoes to wear. Keeping on dreaming. Keep urselves busy for an idle man is the devil's workshop.
A man can only use u give u money. and that won't last because our wants are insatiable. It will finish and u'll end up looking and asking for more.
Why don't you devote yourselves to a cause, get a job, face ur studies, etc. Discover yourselves and you'll be surprised by how much treasures you'll find hidden within with which you can use to bless others.
Remember, passing through fire is a necessity and prerequisite for success. U also have to have a story to tell. When I read Biographies and Autos today I remind myself that if they didn't "see some things"(Experience) they would not be Celebrities today or well known.
So beware!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Why women have sex

This is my first first post so i have to make it right. I'll start with this post on women and sex. I pray you'd enjoy it as others have.

Apart from procreation, sex is one of the best experience that can ever happen especially to women after viginity. Gone are the days when women simply have sex to “increase the line”, or lay back while their Men “finish the deed” Women now have sex for exercise, pure fun or because they are really “itching to have it scratched”.
Why do women love sex? 29 year old beautician in Lagos state, Seun Adegoke, believes most women have sex to release stress and to make them feel good. Sex, she says takes her mind off worries she may have had during the day. She says “It is like a pill or a drug, which most women can't live without”. Nigerian sex workers think like wise. Most of them don't have sex mainly for money, no, an anonymous partner of the trade says she's into the business because it makes her feel like she's worthy. So many of her customers come to her because they haven't been really ''fed” well at home and she becomes a “the other woman” because she takes care of his needs. In truth most of these women end up being married to their customers.
A decade ago or more accurately five years ago, 60% of Nigerian women believe in sex after marriage. Forty percent can boastly say they are or were virgins before they got married.
According to a research conducted by Time magazine, it's been discovered that women's sexual psychology are far more complex than men. Both women and men have sex because they are physically attracted to the person, for pure pleasure, because they are in love, or simply because they are horny. Women's sexuality tends to be more linked with love and emotional bonding. Women, more than men, like sex when there's some kind of emotional connection. Men were more likely to have sex simply because the opportunity presented itself. Women tend to be pickier, especially for short-term sexual encounters. And men are more motivated to have sex to boost their status among their peers, although some women also had sex for precisely this reason.
What are the main reasons why women have sex?The most frequent reasons include: sexual attraction to the person, the desire for physical pleasure, to express affection, to express their love for a person or because they were sexually aroused and wanted release. Other important reasons are to boost their self-esteem or sexual esteem, to get revenge, to secure "mate insurance" in case a partner dumps them, to relieve pain, to achieve health benefits such as getting rid of a headache (yes, it works), to decrease stress, to lose weight and as a sleep aid. We devote one chapter to "sexual economics," which focuses on all the ways in which women have sex as an exchange for other benefits, such as getting her partner to take out the garbage, securing free dinners,lunch or getting expensive gifts. We also devote one chapter to what we call "the dark side" of women's sexuality: when women have sex because they were deceived, coerced or forced into it.
Some women also have sex for revenge. A few have sex (especially in Nigeria) in order to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease. They want to get back at cheating partners,. They would also want to get back at the person who forced them into sex or turned them into prostitutes, or having sex with the partner of a friend who had poached her partner Mate-poaching is the frequency with which women try to lure men who are already "taken," either for a short-term sexual liaison or a longer-term relationship. Most women have experienced mate-poaching in one form or another, either as the mate poacher or as the victim.Sexual attraction often boils down to what Darwin(the evolutionist) called "female choice." Modern women are the descendants of a long and unbroken line of ancestral mothers who made wise sexual choices. As descendants of these successful women, modern women carry with them the sexual psychology: the ancestral wisdom that led to the success of their female forebears. So women find cues to health, status and protection to be sexually attractive. These are all qualities that led to better survival and reproductive outcomes.
Physical features women tend to find most attractive in men are the body, V-shaped torso, or a high shoulder-to-hip ratio, and men who are taller than average. Interestingly, women do not like muscle-bound men, and men misperceive how muscular women want them to be. The face is also critical. A symmetrical face is a health cue, as are a good head of hair and masculine features such a strong jaw and a deep voice. Women generally don't find feminine-looking or feminine-sounding men to be sexually attractive.
Other things women find sexually attractive are:
Good hygiene
Sense of smell is critical. A man who smells bad, or who has bad breath — that can be a sexual kill switch for women. Interestingly, women have a keener sense of smell than men, so men are sometimes oblivious to how bad they smell to women. A man's scent conveys critical information to women about a man's health status.
Personality and social status. A man has to be himself. Usually that differentiates him from other men just as it is for men so it is for women.
Sense of humor, self-confidence.
These things can transform an average-looking man into a sexually attractive man in the minds of many women.