Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Looking For A Life Partner?

Singlehood is a very special stage of one's life a time for self discovery but there'll come a time when you'll yearn to have someone to call "your own".  The apartment you spent so much time decorating and furnishing, wardropes you spent money on and hobbies may no longer be of use and interest to you . You'd want to have someone to come home to.  To laugh at your jokes funny or not. Someone to spend time with, if not for life for a long, long while. Completeness. Fulfilment. 

Contrary to what people say and believe, making the right choice doesn't start with you. You have to go down on your knees first, ask God to help you. Everything is in God's hand, past, present and the future. Humans have unpredictable natures so they are wont to change. Most times we make decisions we feel is right but may bring about our downfall. A failed relationship/marriage creates a big dent in one's life.

Choosing the right person lies with you. Are you ready to settle down? Can you support someone? What do you want from life? What are your goals and aspirations for life? Do you want someone to share your dreams with you? You have to choose a person who'll help you fulfil your purpose in life. That is what marriage is about. You mustn't get married because it'll be safe to do so (to avoid AIDS or any other sexually transmitted disease).  It should be because you have an ache, a hole that needs to be filled in yourheart, a hunger for completeness and a yearning for fulfillment.

You have to be ready to forgo pleasures which won't last, shine your eyes like we say in my country. Don't let physical attributes blind you from seeing the person(s) real natures. So many marriages fail because they try to find satisfaction in things that don't matter. As much as sex is an integral part of every relationship, it doesn't have the glue to hold two hearts or minds together.

Most times I ask married men questions they won't give answers to. What about the woman at home? What's wrong with her? Surely if your relationships are successful would you want someone else in your lives? One actually told me, " if you wake up one day and you are served bread and tea for breakfast, lunch and dinner, at a point you'd want a different kind of food". Can you imagine that? If that's the case what's the need for getting married then?

Change is the only thing that doesn't change in life. When you make your choice, there has to be SOMETHING you wouldn't want to change in that special person's life, something you'd never tire of doing with him/her but how would you know something won't happen to CHANGE your lives one day? That's why you have to ask God for help from to help you. He's the only one I know who knows how to make things right. Have you asked him for help today?


Wednesday, July 7, 2010

A Letter To GOD

Good Morning, Big Man. How was your 9te? Do U even spend 9tes. Am just curious 'cos U made them. I'm also wondering if U knew that most of us humans spend our 9tes tossing and turning on our beds, worrying needlessly about when our next meals will come.

If I may ask, why create the 9te in the first place? Why create the 9te? Is it to remind us of the difference between good and evil,light and darkness, give us a deserved and earned rest after a day of pleasing insatiable customers and superiors? Or just to make us regret our choices? Or to create job opportunities to clean ladies,graduates among them who have lost hopes of using their brains? Do U ever sleep or are U also worried about us? Do U have a bed in which U toss and turn, wondering why human U created with Ur Own hands are unfeeling, selfish and cruel?

I know I'm not supposed to complain.It might be a blasphemy but U know/knew my thoughts, good and evil,surely U anticipated this outburst.Surely U know that there are many who no longer think or care about themselves, who has lost hopes in everything.

We now have "Goodluck" in our midst.U raised him from pillar to the Palace, were U trying to tell us that we'll have well deserved "sleeps" soon? A badluck we never anticipated came in form of a red card against Greece and has left us wondering if our Football side is a mirror of our politics. Barely two weeks after 'the failure" we had an answer. One that clearly shows charity,indeed,begins at home. Our Representatives 'exchanged blows",not bizarre since its not the first time. 

"The Lord is a good psychologist: he knows the way our minds run. Turmoil can be the Lord's way of tapping us on the shoulder and saying, 'Don't forget me.'" -- Eknath Easwaran

I won't forget U, Lord.Any1 who has had close encounters with U as I have, wont.U said U can't ever forget Ur children,please, keep fighting for them.

Ur kneeling and grateful daughter,
Jane.

Friday, May 21, 2010

For The Love Of Football

Saturday, May 22, 2010 is going into history records not just because Bayern Munich, German giants are meeting the Nerazzurris(it means"the black and blue ones" in Italian) Inter Milan but that Teacher(Van Gaal) and and Student(Mourinho) are going to meet. They've both worked together in Spain. The nerrazurris are favorites after beating defending champions Barcelona(another Spanish giant) in the Semi Finals. It was not just unexpected and unbelievable that Mourinho's boys would beat Barca 3-1 in the first leg, it was shameful. I learnt Barca hasn't been beaten that way before away or at home. The night I watched the 2nd leg(yes watched), I was rooting for Inter and I knew with the way they played Chelsea(my club), won the first leg, they would do their best to win Barcelona which they did. I was ecstatic. I had Barca friends who made jest of Chelsea when they lost to Inter both home and way so I had something to hold against them.

I'm not rooting for Inter this time, I'm all for Bayern. They deserve to be champions in my opinion, they play good, experienced and entertaining football. So come 8:40pm tommorrow, I'm going to watch that historical match. Even though Frank Ribery won't be playing, after collecting a red card for challenging a Lyon player in their Semi-final match(1st leg), I can say that the French International won't be missed not with the likes of Arjen Robben, Olic in the match. Inter milan will have their hands full. Inter players are also talented, don't get me wrong but they are not as disciplined,experienced as Bayern players plus they(Inter) have had luck on their side, that and their toublesome coach. I gotta say that that match would be a must not miss. 

I don't think I can ever understand or remember when I started liking football. Friends ask me but I can only say its inexplicable. It might be the joys, thrills and most times heartache when u see a favourite team win or loose or the fact that the sexiest guys *winks* play the game. I can do anything for football, anything. I love it!!!
  

The Break-up

Ok, so I was warned. I was told that only a dog goes back to its vomit but I didn't care, after all I'm not a dog, I'm human and as a human cum woman, I deserve to have some human sympathy. It's his fault for being cute and saying 9ce things that I couldn't help but say "ok, lets give it another try". I gave us a week and I felt it was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I never missed him and I didn't feel guilty about it instead I missed someone else(name witheld).

Now, whenever he sees me, he crosses the next street. Men and their lies, ha!! I get a flashback anytime I see him about those promises he made, those seem-like truths that kept pouring from his mouth.I kick my self mentally by reminding myself that I made the last decision and the last scene,which was quite interesting(don't ask).

I guess it was pity not even like that made me think it might work but hey we've broken up and I couldn't be happier about it.So, gals broken-up or having problems in ur relationshps, chin up, there are better guys out there who wouldn't maltreat you but treat you like a lady. Don't give up hopes yet.

Lessons learned;
1. Never go back to an ex especially if you have no more feelings for him.
2. Don't feel sorry/pity for him, if it's not love it can/may never change anytime soon.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

P-Square: The Dynamic Twins


Oh yes, they are. they are an inspiration for youngsters of today whose interests are in Afro hip-hop. Recently, they were nominated along with M.I, etc, for the BET 10th Annual Awards as the best international acts. Yes, BET for Black Entertainment Television. Naturally, I'm happy that Nigerians are getting recognition as they should, but I gotta give it to P-square. A few weeks ago, they were awarded the highest award in Africa, in music, at the Kora Music awards as the Best African Act.

To be fair, I've had a crush on the both of them particularly Peter ever since there first classic hit "Last night". Their moves and grooves always keeps me at the edge of my seat. The release of the "Senorita" video kept me entralled and couldn't stop many of us fans, from loving them more and more. Since 2003 till date, P-square has released a total of four(4) albums which has garnered them lots of fans, fame, nominations and awards nationall and international. For me, apart from Tu face, P-square is the best thing we've got going on right now that could break the jinx of the non recognition of Nigerian music and videos by the International communities.

I guess that due to the success of their recent and tours Nigerians and haters(sorry, had to use that) have no choice but give them their due. If you haven't watched them perform, then you can't and won't understand why so many of their audiences keep fainting and screaming "P-square" at the top of their voices whether they are on stage or offstage. I think one of those reasons we love watching them perform is that they ask the audience/fans to make their choices and they wouldn't disappoint. Watching them perform reminds me of Michael jackson, always tireless. I know they got their inspiration from him but I can't help but bemoan the fact that he didn't know/meet/perform with them before he died.

Songs like "Miss U Die" "Say Ur Love", "Am I Still The Special man" will always remain legendary and special because you never tire of them to say the least about "No One Be Like You" outstanding I Love You" and "Possibility" both from their latest album Danger.

This is not a paid advert. It's just me appreciating hardwork and determination which has paid off for these particular set of twins(I did say they were twins, didn't I?). I can't help but imagine how many setbacks and dissappointments they've had before they get to where they are now.

So, P2, keep it up for you've earned this and more. So much more. I still believe that Americans don't want to acknowledge us 'cos they are afraid of competition and what we can do. I won't be surprised though, if you guys are nominated for the Grammys!!!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Working For a Mean Boss

Ha!!! One of the most common topics you might say, but it's really not easy to face. You can't tell until you're in that situation but speaking from experience, I can say it's one of the most dangerous situations one can ever face: your means of livelihood is at stake, your peace of mind wretched. What more is there when whenever u wake up in the morning with your alarm ringing in your ear, and the prospect of dressing up for work is not appealling to you? We are supposed to be in love with our jobs and careers.They are and should remain one of those things we love doing it/them.

You may be tempted to resign or become rude to him/her both of which are the most cowardly things to do. We must learn to face challenges instead of running from them as they prepare us for whats to come. Your boss may be teaching you or want you to learn based/from on her own experiences and history. He/She may be mean due to personal problems at home or challenges

Thursday, April 29, 2010

When In Rome

Why do we have relationships? Ideas anyone? To cure loneliness? Safety? Is it because we feel we have attained a certain age we don't want or have to stay alone? I have been wondering about this  but I've been left with an empty feeling in my stomach, you kow that feeling you have as you are the only one in the planet. It's not flattering to be the only girl (I think) who turns married men away. I'm not talking about unserious or irresponsible ones but self-made, serious ones. It's not a new thing for a young girl like me but can be seen as a misuse of opportunities for people more experienced than me.




At a point in one's life, you need a companion, you need somebody u can call ur own, you need a friend who is not just a friend, but a soul mate. I agree to all these points made by by on-line friend, Surya but what happens when it fails? What happens if that spark in your relationships fades and dies? what would you do? Look for another spark or try to ignite that spark in your relationship? 

The economy crunch might be blamed for everything but should it be blamed on our relationships too? Relationships are based on so many factors;sex, friends, fun, etc but at what risks? So many of them. From a peronal experience I've seen women suffer from abuse, different kinds of abuse; heartbreak, rape, battering,hunger, etc.  All because they don't what to be alone? Isn't the price high?

As a girl who believes in fairytales and still do, my idea of a relationship is in contrast to what is in form today. A relationship filled with trust, loyalty and honesty is what should be in vogue, not the give-and take that everyone's used to. Eventually you tire of it, if you are not addicted, and you'll start to yearn for something more lasting and fulfilling. In my short years I've seen relationships that fail because it was built on lies and deceit.

If you find yourself in Rome like I did, what would you do? Act like a Roman (behave and live like they do) or be different. It's not easy, if u're looking for easy don't try to beat them rather, join them. We all have choices to make in life and how we make them is our business and responsiblity. No one makes them for us.

Easter: A time For Me

Hey!!! It feels good to be back, if I should say so since it's more than a month from my last post. So many things can and has happened within that time that I may not be able to tell. I have to admit that it's been a great, great time. A great learning stage for me. it's true what they say that you don't know how strong you are until u face a challenge. I have seen that and I have to say that it's been a disappointment to me to find out that I'm not as strong as I thought myself to be. Though, I further surprised myself by holding on to what I felt was right.

I wanted my Easter holiday to be my time for sober reflection. A time I get to go far, far away from everything, everyone that knows me. Just to leave my world. Believe me that world can be tiring most times. Not for the first time(if ya'all could know) have I felt that way, but this time I knew I was just a little step between sanity and insanity. I just needed a break I knew was not to come, yet. Though disappointed, I'm thankful to God and Him alone for helping to hold on to His lifeline. (this feels likke the ramblings of a madwoman doesn't it?)

Anyways, I started my Easter with a great rest, travelled down to Abeokuta, a town in Ogun for a typical Yoruba wedding with one of my mentors who did her best to flog me, literally, before we went. I wouldn't blame her, no, because it was no less than I deserved before choosing to follow a windy and narrow path. We came back that same day, which became one of the happiest for me because Chelsea Fc, my favourite football club won against their rivals Manchester United. I got home with a gift, movies ofcourse, for my youngest and favourite brother because for the second time this session he became the first in Academics in his class. Movies had become a traditon in our house when we discovered that 3meals a day was impossible. Lets go back, shall we?

Easter Sunday flew by with me still fighting for some alone time for myself. With just a day to go, I believed I would still get an "alone time" for myself. I did and I enjoyed it.
I went to the popular Lekki beach alone, yes alone, with no guy and I had fun. Going out with guys had become less fun and more omplication for my taste these days. To answer your unvoicable questions; no I haven't quit my job and I don't regret doing so. Till my next blog...

Ciao!!!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Genevieve and D'banj: True Or A Ruse

Two weeks ago, I was going through my profile in one of my numerous social websites, when I came accross an information that would become a bomb, literally speaking, in the entertainment industry;

Genevieve is dating D'banj, D'banj confirms it!

What?!! was my first thought. these journalist are at "it" again writing so they can make a few bucks. How could someone publish such rubbish? It can't be true. Salt and oil can't mix or so I thought. A week later when Genevieve was asked to confirm the news she neither confirmed nor denied the claim made by D'banj. She was quoted by Encomium magazine  saying:

"I can only say that I would like to keep my private life private and I really don't have anything to say"

and "Dbanj is an adult and he has said something. Let's just leave it at that, "







Surely, we  your loyal fans deserve some answers, Genevieve. We don't mean to pry into your private affairs but we care for you and we are dying of curiosity to know how you a "good girl" met "The Kokomaster" who can also be called a "bad boy". If you can recall, when you were rumoured of dating the then Vice President, Atiku Abubakar we didn't believe them, if when uyou werspotted with "the new Jeep", we were on your side fully, I might hard because we believe that you are more than that.

Personally, Genevieve's life is a part of my inspiration, my first role model . Infact, my pen name;Jenny was derived from her nickname Genny. Her  way of life, glamour the way she acts, gosh is so "coool" to me down to the way she disses journalists who tends to "ask too much" about her way of life.

Now, we need an affirmation or denial plus we'd also want to know if it's real and mutual. we heard she even apeared in D'banj's new video "fall in love". Should we call you guys "D'banjieve" that is the new Brangelina?

Monday, March 15, 2010

Countdown

Have you ever wondered if the decisions you're about to take is right or wrong? That's exactly how I'm feeling right now. It feels like being snared in a trapped not knowing which way to go, right or left.

I'm counting down to the day I'll finally say goodbye to having a job. I have a wonderful job which I'm about to drop.So far, it hasn't been easy a decision to make. I had to use the paper, pen and ruler method, weighing the advantages and disadvantages. From where I stood a few weeks ago, it was clear, now it's not too clear. I can't help thinking if I'm about to take one of the best or worst decisions of my life. 


While deciding, it turned out the positives of this change overshadowed the negatives. So here I am, 15 days to having no job and being a business woman.I just updated my status on facebook about being unique and different. Let me ask a question. How many twenty two year female Nigerians lives in lagos, has no "big daddy" or boyfriend to support her? Yet has a job and is willing to quit it to face an "unknown future" I'm proud of myself and how I turned out. I don't regret anything thus far. I call them experiences because they teach me to teach others.

So I'm going to put on a brave face and face the coming times ahead.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Yahoo! Rooms

Was bored last afternoon, so I decided to join a yahoo chat room. Signing in to yahoo messenger took me no time at all. Ignoring my offline messages, I went straight to Yahoo Messenger joining, the 20's chat room but was dumbfounded by what I saw:

"Honey women see me live on my webcam"    and
           " how to find free sex online"

Eyes poppingI left the room immediately. Checking other rooms I found the same results. Eeeeeeh, where can I find Tru talk without sex? I wondered. Guys and girls wanting to be laid are everywhere. I don't want to be laid, I fumed, I just want to talk. Just talk.

I remembered an experience I won't easily forget. Late last year I met someone online. I'll call him Rob, a Nigerian. I felt lucky we'd talk on phone and online. We talked about everything. Then out of the blue he wanted sex online or on phone. I was disappointed. To cut the story short, we decided not to continue. 
The experience was quite illuminating. I felt i was from the first century, someone who doesn't know what's going on(I still feel so). It's not encouraging at all. What wrong in chatting about politics or sports(am a very good sports fan) I don't hide it. I love being informed and I'd want to get infos anyway I can; reading and meeting people inclusive, even those ones i don't know.
What about youngsters who chat on the net? I couldn't even begin to imagine what they're exposed to on the internet.
 On social networking site I've visited so far, only few don't talk about sex or hooking up. Recently I'd complained to  friends about receiving creepy e-mails and texts which they'd replied with reproaches "it's your fault. why leave or give your contact details to people you don't know?"

Friday, February 19, 2010

What Facebook means to me

I enjoy Facebook totally. I mean it's a friend I may never have. I can share my thoughts and opinions whether it makes sense or not. Before I joined, I always wondered what it was like and I would look at the users and wonder what would make them spend hours on end on that particular social website. I called it a waste of time and money. Then I was tempted into registering having no idea what I was getting myself into.

I must admit that I've come to find succour in that social networking site. If am pissed, happy and sad I can share it with people who don't know me from Adam, but may feel the same way I feel and tell me what to do about it. I know there are big risks involved in giving your private information to people you barely know but it pales in comparison to the positivity of meeting people online who share the same values, beliefs, aspirations, feelings and hopes that you have.

Opinions vary on facebook.Some may see it as an avenue for defrauding people online, but thanks to the new Privacy settings put in place now you can decide who you want to give your informations to at your risks. My elder sister who just came home from service in the North, after completing her Tertiary education doesn't share my idea. She'd register alright but with another name. " I don't like giving my details to people i don't know, why didn't you use another profile name?"She asked me. I told her it was her email address that I used to create her profile and she kept mum. When I later informed her that I'd checked her page yesterday, saw she wasn't using it, uploaded her image and added some friends, she went over the roof. Hear her "why didn't you ask me before uploading my picture?"

Others think it's a waste of time. They can't imagine spending that much time on a site. Employers says Facebook delays work stating the website was "not directly related to the workplace" as quoted by Wikipedia. Employees would rather spend time "facebooking" than working during working time. Critics says it can damage intimate relationships,leaving people especially teenagers without strong social ties.



I've been wondering what a genius is made of; If he or she was born that way but after reading about the 25-year old founder of Facebook, the youngest self-made billionaire(as of Jan. 2010), I can't help but think I've done and accomplished nothing so far. Facebook has done so something very few people are doing these days, education, information, name them. Mark Zuckerberg  has recording his name automatically in the history books.

Facebook can also be vain and addictive. I can't imagine not checking Facebook more than twenty times or uploading links, notes,I can even thank God, saying good morning Jesus, before jetting off to work in the morning on Facebook. Whatever it is, Facebook is good for me!

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-34-ways-to-say-i-love-you-without-actually-saying-i-love-you/?iref=spotl

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-34-ways-to-say-i-love-you-without-actually-saying-i-love-you/?iref=spotl

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Bollywood: Lessons for Nollywood?

Ever watched a Bollywood movie before? No? Then you need to start watching them because it is  the hottest movie industry in town now especially in Nigeria. Apart from the fact that it teaches moral values and lessons in love, it also show cases Indian cultures and traditions. Bollywood movies to me, are inspiring.

The term, Bollywood, is an informal term popularly used for the Hindi-language film industry based in Mumbai, India. Bollywood industry is just a part of the indian cinema but it is often incorrectly used to refer to all the movie industries in India. It is the largest film producer in India. Unlike Hollywood, Bollywood doesn't exist as a physical place.

Actors like Amitabh Bachchan, Sunny Deol, Shah Rukh Khan (nicknamed King Khan), etc, have made earned worldwide accolades for their roles in popular bollywood movies like Khabi Khushi Khabi gham, Mother India and Deewana respectively.

In Nigeria, barely can you find a home or cinema without Bollywood movies. It has become the norm for colleagues, friends even Nigerian websites talk about it.

Over the past few years, although Bollywood's movies have limitations, Nollywood movies have changed from showing cultures and traditions to nudity, kissing on sets, etc. Suspense is has been turned into something else. 

Gone are the days when you enjoy Nollywood movies, you find movies that ought to be a part having several parts with no future end........To be continued

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Enjoying Singlehood

http://www.momlogic.com/2010/02/valentines_day_aftermath.php


Being Single is one of the best thing that has ever happened to us. It is a time you think and feel only you. You have more time for yourself,  time to set priorities, create and achieve goals and objectives.

 Unfortunately, many females to do not agree with this fact. We are always in a hurry to get married because;

  1. My clock is ticking
  2. My mates are already married 
Indeed my Mom reminds of my single status most times that I'd begin to wonder if it's a a crime or my wish to remain single.

Whichever reasons we may have, it is important to note that being single doesn't mean being lonely. It is not a crime but is it by choice. It means freedom, making your own decisions at your own time, space and risk. No inhibitions. Opportunities abound that you can only grasp by being a single person so here are tips to enjoying your singlehood;



  • Making time out for God; serving him. You enjoy God more when you have time to worship Him and you can only worship him truthfully when you ar single.
  • Ignore those who wonder or ask why you are single. It's not a crime to be single.
  • Create meaningful friendships and enrich your existing ones.
  • Enjoy your freedom. We all have fantasies indulge in them. Spoil yourself. Live alone in your own apartment, manage your budgets and situations so you can manage your relationships well. Go to spas(If u can afford it), get pedicures, manicures, massages, etc.
  • Help yourself grow. Read books, Make friends that'll help you, that will make you grow physically mentally and otherwise.
  • Be bold 
  • Have fun, mingle with your friends
With all these, I doubt you will feel lonely. Once your single days are over, you may want to go back to the good old days!

Songhai

February 1, 2009, will always remain in my memory. It was my second time of being in Songhai Porto- novo. The first time I went to Porto-Novo was in August 2008. I worked then as an assistant with Tell. Assistants in Tell do a bit of everything, still I was dumbfoundded when I was told I would be going with the Corporate Affairs department down to Porto-Novo. I couldn't really relish it because it was unbelievable and painfull at the same time.

Unbelievable because I didn't feel worthy enough to have gone, painful because my colleagues weren't too happy with me going thereby giving me silent treatment.

So when I was picked the second time, I left all my cares in the wind. That day in February was and would be always stick in my memory. I met personalities made friends with them and even had a few suitors.

It was memorable. I understood nature and people. My superior who I assisted, taught me so many things I'd never forget and i'll forever be grateful for. The participants too had a great time and couldn't stop talking about how great the experience was.

Songhai is an agricultural centre based in Poro-novo, Benin Republic. Songhai is also a center for training, for production, research and development of sustainable agricultural practices. Every 3 or 4 times in a year the Corporate Affairs Department organises the programme and takes farmers, would be farmers and agriculturists there to show them the principles and basics of famine. You just had to be there to understand the experience. 









Knowing what you want

What do I want? This has been the question bothering me this week. How can I be myself? How do I know myself.  How do I know what I want. I googled it and came across interesting things. For someone like me I  realised that the main problem we face is that we don't know what we want from life which is why when it comes to making decisions, we flop. 

Wobbling in indecisions we jump at any opportunities that comes our way. This can be quite disastrous because any decisions we make today affects our tommorrow. Here a few tips:

The first step to take to knowing what you want is Finding yourself. Finding yourself means knowing who you are, your likes, what you can do. It also means knowing knowing your limitations, strengths and weaknesses, hereby making your confidence in yourself grow. Start with a new and clean slate.

Put God first. Apart from being our creator, God has been the Author and Finisher of our fate and Faiths. Letting Him know and casting all cares on Him because he alone knows what we want and what's good for us. If you'll but ask Him, he'll tell you



Build your self confidence.  You have to believe in yourself, that you can do it if you try. Trying never hurts. Even when it hurts it reminds you of where you are going so that when you get there, you'll be able to look back with a smile. It boosts you and identifies your abilities.

Stick to your principles. Your principles can be your decisions, your morales or your virtues. Know what they are and believe in them. Do your own thing; don't be a crowd follower or a crowd pleaser. It doesn't matter what people say or think, but what you think and feel. Make a decision and stick to it. Don't change them. If have doubts consider and examine the positive and the negative aspects before changing them and before you change them, make sure the positive outweighs the bad. There should be good reasons for changing your principles.

Do something. An idle hand is the workshop of the devil. The Bible says that "one who doesn't work shouldn't eat" If you don't do something how will you know what you want?

Work hard. Wherever you find yourself do the best you can do, be the best you can be. Try hard to work hard it goes along way to know what you want. Don't give up easily. Face each challenge with a fight of your own. We don't get weary working hard but get strengths and lessons to move on.

Keep your Hope alive. There is a saying that when there's life there's hope. Please keep it alive. E go better.

How I Spent My Valentine

That's me in my office, last friday, two days before Val. Looking at this picture,  it appears I have no worries or cares in the world. 
This year's Valentine found me in one of my friends home.Right from my teenage years, I've been attached to couples and their kids. I must admit that I learned alot doing this. You get experience from experiences.

I wanted to have a unique valentine this year and out of a lot of choices I decided to spend it, even if it's a couple of hours, with a family I've known for a long time. It had been approximately four years since i last saw them, so I decided on that fateful day, February 13, 2010 to pay a visit to them.
As I prepared to go to their home in Captain, Abulegba, I had a flash back; 
Seven years ago, a set of twins was born to the family of Daniel Odeh and barely two months later, I got to know them through one of my Mom's friends. I also knew they needed help taking care of their children; since both parents are workers.So I volunteered. Within weeks, I'd grown attached to the twins, taking care of them as if they were mine. Till date I don't know why, but I feel like they are a part of me somehow. Very few people knew those kids, especially Gift,the second of the twins, wasn't mine.She was and still as beautiful as she's smart as u can see in the picture above plus she's also my favorite. I loved holding her, just holding her.I love putting her first and she loved having me carry her.I call her the next Oluchi; the famous Nigerian international model. There's Precious, the firstand the most troublesome. She's the daddy's girl, likes getting what she wants.
Over four years, since they moved from our neighbourhood, there's been two additions; Samuel and and Mercy, 5years and 2years respectively.
When I got to their house, I felt a sense of coming home. It was a great feeling. Their mother, Oluchi Odeh couldn't stop hugging me, calling to her neighbours, telling them her long lost "child" has finally returned.The twins have grown alot since I last saw them. I nearly wept, overcome with emotion. The twins have grown into big girls at 7years each, but still they recognised me. 

I wouldn't have spent my val any other way, I later realised. I got to rethink and re-strategise myself. That weekend, for the first time in my life I knew I've never done anything for myself. That I've been taken alot for granted

In that tiny, quiet neighbourhood I found answers I'd been looking for. I learnt about the family's challenges and how they overcame it, they are still overcoming and they will overcome. That family is a far cry from what it was 5years ago. And with God's grace and their hope, which wouldn't dim, they will get though this phase of their lives.
It's funny how bad you think your problem, no, challenges are, until you look, hear and see what other people are going through, you wouldn't really know how lucky you are.
At the end of my stay, the next day, the children didn't want me to go but I knew I had to go. Albeit reluctantly, i left, with a promise to come back and a naira note for biscuits, which wasn't satisfactory to them. 

P.S: I used these pics as a reminder of my stay with them. It was magical and memorable at the same time.Time, indeed tells all and changes all things.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Marriage 2: Opinions

I met a special friend on Yahoo and while we were chatting, I asked him about his own definition and understanding of a marriage. Hear what he said;

 "Man is a social animal. He or she can't survive that much easy alone so they need emotional or financial support to survive in the world. If two people get married it means they need to support each other emotionally or financially  or both if there's no support also if they stick together thats called a good marriage, but if they start non support and plotting against each other is called hell hell of a marriage "

He went further to say that marriage is compared to life. A successful marriage is compared to heaven, that the ingredient to a successful marriage or steps to successfull marriage is LOVE(divine). It should be between couples who are bonded.  

May be LOVE should bond them to marriage or marriage should bond them to LOVE; that is Surya(4rm India)'s definition of an ideal marriage. I have a couple of male friends whose opinions are different. They believe it should be between two people who are matured and know themselves well enough  to be together.

It's not a must to have LOVE in a relationship, they say, it depends on the mutual understanding and agreement between two parties, making marriage sound like a contract  instead of something divine. Most singles cringe at the word marriage, saying it's another word for death trap which they are not ready for.

 I see marriage as a glorious union ordained by God, which has to undergo so many surgeries(obstacles) for it to remain solid and last. So many people, when faced with a challenge or with challenges in their family, don't give it an opportunity to grow.

My parents have been married for twenty- eight years, they have eight kids in between and one grandchild;Precious, whom we call Moses.

I remember when my younger sister got pregnant. It was to me, the most difficult challenge they faced as a couple. Having a daughter who has an unwanted pregnancy @ 15 can be quite disturbing, you know, and if that isn't a difficult challenge i don't know what is.


Moses, is now the pride of their life. I think thats b'cos they didn't  allow it to ruin their relationship.

Things affect us because we allow it. The belief something may not go well and allowing it definitely brings it down.

On opinions of what a xtian marriage should be check this link:

 http://davidoyedepoministries.org/christian-marriage/

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Hope

Hope is believing there's a tomorrow. Faith is believing something wil happen without you seeing it.I may not know what tommorrow will be like and I don't care about it. All I know is that everything is going to be okay.

Wikpaedia defines Hope as "a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

Every time something happens to me, both good and bad all I can do is hope for the best.Knowing that there's a better tommorrow keeps me going on today. And it's all I think about.

But then I remember that there are people who actually have no hope, Who don't know where their next meal is going to come from,who have no roofs over their heads.

I also remember the Haitians....Lord those babies buried under the rubbles, men, women and children with no home nor hope and I hate myself and ask myself questions......Why do I think about only me, myself and I.?I can't even watch CNN anymore 'cos am scared of what i'll see in Haiti;newly discovered bodies dead or alive.


If people were to know that going through fire results in experience would they still grumble and groan? What are Nigerians' reactions to the destructions in Haiti? I've not heard an opinion. We all still have hope of a better, new and great Nigeria.

A Nigeria without corruption, bad politics and rulership, where Americans will look at us with respect and not disdain or fear. A Nigeria where leader will rule with honesty and peace. I still hope we will be delisted as a terrorist nation.

I believe all that's happening now;war,terrorism,corruption, destructions,etc is as a result of the end time. Wow the end time. Another hope that HE is coming. 


I know that going through all these are lessons for tommorrow, so instead of grumblng and complaining I have decided to put in all my best in what am doing now!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Career or Business?

Which one is better? What do I do? Those were the questions buzzing in my head  as I woke up this morning.

 I got home early last evening to watch the Super Eagles' match against the Black Mambas of Mozambique.The minute I dropped my bag, I dived for the remote of the T.V, trying to tune in to AIT(Africa Independent Television)  which would show the match only to be dissapointed. The remote wouldn't work.

My younger sister dropped a bomb on me. My mother's travelling down to the east finally in June. This year June? I asked and she said yes. Wow.  She's finally going home to take care of her mom. She also wants me to take over her shop. My mom's the epitome of humanhood. I think I should devote a blog to her.

Her mom's my name sake. That's where I got my traditional name from. She was moved from her home in Ohaozara, Ebonyi state to the capital of the state, Abakaliki. I remember vividly the twelve days I spent with her. They were wonderful days I won't forget easily. And now my mom's taking my very younger siblings to stay with her.

I haven't been able to put it out of my mind. Ever since i left Tell, I've been wondering if it a good Idea to work. Why not get a business of my own? I can do anything I set my eyes on to do. Building a career these day with a company especially in Nigeria is more or less a waste of talent and time. Look at those bank workers, a few months ago, they had jobs and now they no longer do. It's been close to six months here @ Western publishing, did I make a wrong choice by refusing to go straight to school after spending that much money to write exams? I can't say!

Wouldn't I feel a twinge of envy when i see ladies going to work . A Friend of mine answered that for me. Ofcourse, I would. I once prayed for this. I practically begged for challenges when I learnt that I have to struggle to succeed. Why am I backing out now?

 Is it 'cos I want to hknow how it feels to be my own boss. Have my own say? Wake up any time I want to and do anything I want without someone telling me to?

Is this what I want for myself? Career or Business? Which is it the best?

 I really don't know which way!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Perfection (Sequel to Mr. Perfect)


Hmmn, my fantasies are endless. First on my list is a complete man. Knowing that I may have my own Mr. Perfect one day keeps my day bright and positive.I agree with Jaine and the girls with their List; which cost two of them their lives.

Whenever i close my eyes, I tend to daydream about "him". Where he is, what he is doing and how we might meet.Will there be fireworks? Will my heart double its beats?. Will my head sing?
It goes on and on.
The tot alone that I'd meet him someday, somehow makes keeps my troubles at bay.

We all want someone we can rely on. I think thats where 'Dependable" from the list comes in. Whenever there's a rain or shine I'd love to be able to say my man is there. He'll be know what to do.
 Or say I know him well, in and out and he knows me as well.He knows I am "faithfull" to him he has pledged to be "faithful" to me,"to love and cherish me untill death do us path" and am not dissapointed.

Never mind if he is rich or not, I'd want to be comfortable with him. I'd love to grow old and rich with him. I wouldn't want somone who'd remind me "have you forgotten where I picked You?" which is one of the fears which makes women have careers today.

My guy should have a good sense of humour ofcourse. If he doesn't know how to make me laugh and laugh, who'd laugh at my dry jokes?

He also has to be nice. I have male friends and many siblings he has to know that he comes first and should be able to treat me as well, a woman.

A perfect man would know better than hurt my feeling.I want to be able to cuddle with my guy at night share mine and his troubles,wake up together after a good morning sex (ofcourse, sex is important), say our prayers, etc.

We should also be able to make up easily after quarells. I attended Bishop Oyedepo's son's wedding, Former president Olusegun Obasanjo was there as a guest and he made one comment "Communication is very important in a relationship(marriage) u have to disagree to agree but when u quarell, communicate, 'cos if u don't that's a step towards the failure of your marriage" I quickly swallowed that.

For all these to happen to me, I asked myself, shouldn't there be Love. Shouldn't I love my guy. Shouldn't i be able to reciprocate his feelings and respect his own wishes for Ms. Perfect? Thats the key thing. Don't you think? 

I learnt that passion, infactuation, lust all have a role to play in love. I didn't know what to think because they are all selfish. I know that love is selfless, kind, guiltless and so forth 

Looking at my past relationships, I can easily deduce why they fail. I keep accessing each and everyone of them, hoping they are the "one". Many think am not "real". Do you believe that some men don't want you to talk? Either because they are ashamed of being seen with you and I don't know what else.

I really can't blame those women who are maried to their careers or their God.

These days, I can't help but wonder if am not waiting in vain 'cos I think there are no more.

This is my own opinion. You can let me know yours!

Monday, January 18, 2010

What a woman really wants: Mr. Perfect

Three nights ago, my sister,Adanna, brought home a book(this happens like one out of every hundreds). It was a novel by Linda Howard titled "Mr. perfect". Being a lover of all kinds of books fiction or not, I've never liked missing out on any book I see; old and new. Looking  at the torn form that night, I wasn't sure it would be interesting. My sis held onto that book for two days. I wasn't that bothered 'cos I had a Danielle Steel with me which was later collected by a colleague who is the owner.

As I dragged my weary self back from school last evening, all I thought was getting a well deserved rest. Our test was next week and lecturers were driving us insane with assignments, and what nots. I made sure I ironed the clothes I would wear to work this week so I wouldn't have to worry about what ladies worry about;power failures, the 'what or what not to wear' or 'what goes with what'. My siblings were watching 'Lois and Clark: the adventures of Superman' which we've watched a zillion times. I wondered what brought on the gluminess am feeling. The restlessness in me could either be 'cos I was stood up by two guys who were supposed to make my weekend or the other which always wants to ruin my week (which I will talk about another day).

I saw the book "Mr. Perfect" lying on a shelf and decided to skim though. The author started well with humour; I have little interest in books that have no humour. I found my self laughing at the themes and settings of the novel. I got to a scene where four friends, all women were talking about what they want from men.My interest was piqued. 

They've all had their fair share of bad relationships; Janine, the Heroine with three failed engagements before she clocked twentythree, Marci, the oldest among the group who's been divorced thrice,Luna who's in-love with a football who's an ego the size of the African continent and doesn't care about her,and T.J the only married lady among them but having insecurities because her husband doesn't want children. 

They all gathered together for lunch, decided then and there that instead of bemoaning their bad relationships or lack of one, they would list all they want from men. Their fantasies ofcourse. I quickly noted down all the seven points:    

  • Faithfullness 

  • Nice

  • Dependable

  • Has a steady job

  • Good sense of humour

  • Has comfortable money( they decided that rich guys tend to lord it over them)

  • Good looking and finally

  • Great in bed
The four of them knew the List were just "fantasies" So instead of bemoaning their loses they congratulated themselves on their 'independence' because no man is worth pining for. Is this true? I looked back on my own long(believe it) lists of relationships which doesn't survive six months each, I couldn't help but wonder.

Do I share their views.Yes I do. Everyone is allowed fantasies, if they can't have the real thing, aren't they? Men also dream about having Ms. Perfect. When they realise before and after they've gotten married to their choice, wondering if they got what they bargained for. Some of them may start to give their wives the silent treatment.   

How many husbands or boyfriends out there calls there spouses endearing names? Do you know that there are lazy husbands? Some men still beat their wives. This same woman that carry their chidren for nine months each with no help...........

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Marriage

My best friend got married last year and a few months later she gave birth and I thought; that's how a marriage should be. U know filled with Love, Trust, Friendship, laughter and children. This isn't back in the day and they accepted themselves as they are. They are young, cute and all. 
When I look at married couples today, the thought of marriage flees with alarming speed from my mind. Because I thought it is the end of all struggles of life.
Looking at the Bible's perspective which i respect alot, It says in Gen 2 vs 24
"a man shall therefore leave his father and mother and is joined to his wife to become one"
It also goes further to say that "what God as joined together,let noman put asunder" People are easily forgetting that. We ladies forget that whichever choices we make, we have to live with it for the rest of our lives , remember the phrase 'for better for worse'? Even if he commits adultery, he is your choice.
I feel bad when i hear about marriages that i root for falling. I ask them what they where thinking of in the first place? didn't you know about his bad habits before u married him? More importantly, didn't you guys court? Some even go to the extent of living together before marriage and still have problems.  
I can hear someone ask me "are u married?" How did you know all these things? Well I've lived with my parents all my life, spent time with married couples and singles, was "almost" married in 2008 to someone I barely knew who was in a hurry to get married. I pray it answers the question.

As I blogged before, I believe in happily everafters, the cinderella stories et al. I believe its still possible. How, you may ask, its by going on your knees in prayer and asking God for "your own" So many of want fairly used( that married men) because you feel or think they are ready made. I think its better we help ours develop and turn, change or make them into what we want them to be.

I once had a woman that I reverred. I regarded her as my God mother. I'll call her Mummy X for anonymity. Mummy x's husband left her and her kids 'cos of an acclaimed infidelity on her part. I didn't understand all that 'cos I was young when all that was going on; all I saw was a young woman rejected over and over by her husband, struggling to eke out aliving for her 2 kids. Then she met one man; married man for that matter and everything about her changed. 
I 'll continue later. But for now: 
Ourie voir!  

Long time no see

On my way home from work yester-evening, guess who I saw? Michael; my once upon a time "boyfriend" I've had a crush on him for years b4 he asked me out.And when he did I started believing in dreams.


He's a cute guy. Must admit atleast that. He's also, I believe closer to God than others are, which i like more than anything in a man. Another is that he's close and respectful to his mom; another feather.But I found that we aren't operating on the same levels. When I'm with him I feel disconnected from him. We make up and break up everytime which is normal for every relationship, but we don't understand ourselves.


He thinks am a snob. And I think he wants to use me. And yet we feel drawn somehow to ourselves. We met almost a decade ago, when I was still living with my cousin. He used to come around that area to see his friends.The first time he asked me out or rather asked me to be his girlfriend I was flattered but i turned him down telling him "If we are destined together, we will be, whatever will be will be" Laughable isn't it?


So many of us find ourselves in this kind of relationships. We'd all get to a point where we ask ourselves questions; what am I doing here? Why do I allow him/ her to treat me like dirt, as if I don't exist. Whatever questions we may have for staying in an oppressive or uncomfortable relationship, its not worth it.


I guess I stayed out of loneliness. No one wants to be alone. So we end up taking what we shouldn't take. Though its different if u're in love with the person not the idea of him. Your relationship might have some hope when u pray fervently.


For those married, am sorry, don't bother looking for a way out 'cos u're in it for life. You said "For better for worse" I think am going to write about what i think abt this next.

Monday, January 11, 2010

The year of Restoration

 01-01-10 dawned bright and clear. Guess what? It's a new year. A new decade. The much anticipated year . A year i'd have to pursue my dream course in a university finally!  Following history, holidays have always found me either being mad @ one of my sisters or one of my parents.


Am usually not one for holidays. I don't really know why but every time it's close to the xmas and new year celebrations , am always in a bad mood. When am supposed to be celebrating. It may be that I felt no reason for celebration.


So on this new day of this new year and decade, I shook off that feeling. This was new and am gonna make the most of it. I started the decade with a new hairdo, unique manicure and ofcourse went back to sleep.


I remembered the candlelight night @ Canaanland, where Papa talked about this year, how it's going to be a year of retoration of all those things that we have been dispossesed of. I told myself that I would try my best to be closer to God than i've ever been.


But I was close to breaking that vow when I met Wale. Wale; who gave me my first kiss years ago, who also taught me how to kiss. The only one I've considered ever dating. That can still turn my brain tto mush and send all my morality codes to blazes. He called me that night asking me to meet him, ofcourse I agreed. Santa was not around to make my day as usual and he's this ........asking me to meet him. I dressed in my hmmmn best and off i went. Hoping for my first new year gift; which i got. 


Oooooh, I got a feeling that this year, decade is gonna to be a good one indeed!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

What MJ means 2 moi

It is very hard to state the import of Michael Jackson in the world and in Music in general. I've never had to talk or write about what Michael Jackson meant and still means to me. I have his life and death dvd at home which I play everytime I get. I've loved MJ before I got into my teens. It was his good looks that i loved the most. Next was his dance steps. I was amazed at how a person could be revered as a king.

I had no idea there were other musicians. Billie Jean was still making waves and Black and white couldn't seem to stop. This was in middle nineties, when his bad press and controversies started . When I had that a group was planning to bring him to Nigeria, I was elated. I envisioned him as a prince coming to his hometown which he'd left long ago.

Not many weeks later, a neighbour told me that my "boyfriend" had to "bleach his skin" to become a white man because he hated the black colour. I was furious. I couldn't check if these facts were really true (how could I) I was barely ten years old. I've never seen a computer before and tabloids/newspaper were a few days old if not weeks old before i lay my hands on them.


Then in 2001, he released you rock my world and I fell in love with him all over again. I was in a public high school then so I got the lyrics. Believe it or not, public school students have access to somethings that even private students envy.

"You rock my world you know you did and everything am gonna give 
and there aren't nothing we could find someone like you to call mine" 
  
It was wonderful 'cos i don't know how else to describe. I just knew that MJ was rocking my world and he didn't know about it.

 MJ was a living Legend. His music music will live forever and ever. When I read and watched his history, past and present I felt for him. I understood firsthand that there's a price to pay for every fame, every dream you want to achieve or you've achieved.

He paid every price for it. When he was presented with a Grammy legend award in 1994 by Janet, his sister, who said she was honoured and blessed to have him as a mentor and as her brother, MJ said he's stopped blaming God or anyone for how and why he was raised without a childhood. He had started to think of himself a an instrument of nature to touch people's lives.

He also said it's a relief, to be finally regarded as a person and not a personality.

How many celebrities still think thus? How many can face those accusations without breaking  down like Britney did? How many can boast of 39 charity foundations? Why was he asked to do 50 shows? Why did he agree? What has his family to say? Where were his friends when he was battling addiction?

These and many more questions kept running through my mind as i tried to assert why he died and how.

When I heard on CNN, on June 26, 2009 that he died after a cardiac arrest the day before, I went down on my knees. I couldn't close my mouth. It's as if my uncle, very close to me has died. It was everywhere on Tv, print; tabloids and dailies and it still is. It made headlinesand I tried as much as possible to read them all, which i did.

Months later i was still reading trying to know just one thing: why? I went on net using wikipedia and it gave me informations that made tears run down my cheeks. There were quotes upon quotes by him. They were about a man who is human but regarded as a god, king, prince etc. He was not expected to make mistakes. Every little thing he did was noted and emulated, when all he wanted was some privacy.

He was a star and the leader of the still highest boy band groups; the Jackon five. I'm sorry I I can still go on and on but I can't continue, like I said b4 it's hard to assert his affluence.

His story rocked my world and I know its still rocking other peoples' life. It wasn't until Santa told me that he made himself a sacrificial lamb for music lovers that I let him rest in peace.