Thursday, January 21, 2010

Career or Business?

Which one is better? What do I do? Those were the questions buzzing in my head  as I woke up this morning.

 I got home early last evening to watch the Super Eagles' match against the Black Mambas of Mozambique.The minute I dropped my bag, I dived for the remote of the T.V, trying to tune in to AIT(Africa Independent Television)  which would show the match only to be dissapointed. The remote wouldn't work.

My younger sister dropped a bomb on me. My mother's travelling down to the east finally in June. This year June? I asked and she said yes. Wow.  She's finally going home to take care of her mom. She also wants me to take over her shop. My mom's the epitome of humanhood. I think I should devote a blog to her.

Her mom's my name sake. That's where I got my traditional name from. She was moved from her home in Ohaozara, Ebonyi state to the capital of the state, Abakaliki. I remember vividly the twelve days I spent with her. They were wonderful days I won't forget easily. And now my mom's taking my very younger siblings to stay with her.

I haven't been able to put it out of my mind. Ever since i left Tell, I've been wondering if it a good Idea to work. Why not get a business of my own? I can do anything I set my eyes on to do. Building a career these day with a company especially in Nigeria is more or less a waste of talent and time. Look at those bank workers, a few months ago, they had jobs and now they no longer do. It's been close to six months here @ Western publishing, did I make a wrong choice by refusing to go straight to school after spending that much money to write exams? I can't say!

Wouldn't I feel a twinge of envy when i see ladies going to work . A Friend of mine answered that for me. Ofcourse, I would. I once prayed for this. I practically begged for challenges when I learnt that I have to struggle to succeed. Why am I backing out now?

 Is it 'cos I want to hknow how it feels to be my own boss. Have my own say? Wake up any time I want to and do anything I want without someone telling me to?

Is this what I want for myself? Career or Business? Which is it the best?

 I really don't know which way!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Perfection (Sequel to Mr. Perfect)


Hmmn, my fantasies are endless. First on my list is a complete man. Knowing that I may have my own Mr. Perfect one day keeps my day bright and positive.I agree with Jaine and the girls with their List; which cost two of them their lives.

Whenever i close my eyes, I tend to daydream about "him". Where he is, what he is doing and how we might meet.Will there be fireworks? Will my heart double its beats?. Will my head sing?
It goes on and on.
The tot alone that I'd meet him someday, somehow makes keeps my troubles at bay.

We all want someone we can rely on. I think thats where 'Dependable" from the list comes in. Whenever there's a rain or shine I'd love to be able to say my man is there. He'll be know what to do.
 Or say I know him well, in and out and he knows me as well.He knows I am "faithfull" to him he has pledged to be "faithful" to me,"to love and cherish me untill death do us path" and am not dissapointed.

Never mind if he is rich or not, I'd want to be comfortable with him. I'd love to grow old and rich with him. I wouldn't want somone who'd remind me "have you forgotten where I picked You?" which is one of the fears which makes women have careers today.

My guy should have a good sense of humour ofcourse. If he doesn't know how to make me laugh and laugh, who'd laugh at my dry jokes?

He also has to be nice. I have male friends and many siblings he has to know that he comes first and should be able to treat me as well, a woman.

A perfect man would know better than hurt my feeling.I want to be able to cuddle with my guy at night share mine and his troubles,wake up together after a good morning sex (ofcourse, sex is important), say our prayers, etc.

We should also be able to make up easily after quarells. I attended Bishop Oyedepo's son's wedding, Former president Olusegun Obasanjo was there as a guest and he made one comment "Communication is very important in a relationship(marriage) u have to disagree to agree but when u quarell, communicate, 'cos if u don't that's a step towards the failure of your marriage" I quickly swallowed that.

For all these to happen to me, I asked myself, shouldn't there be Love. Shouldn't I love my guy. Shouldn't i be able to reciprocate his feelings and respect his own wishes for Ms. Perfect? Thats the key thing. Don't you think? 

I learnt that passion, infactuation, lust all have a role to play in love. I didn't know what to think because they are all selfish. I know that love is selfless, kind, guiltless and so forth 

Looking at my past relationships, I can easily deduce why they fail. I keep accessing each and everyone of them, hoping they are the "one". Many think am not "real". Do you believe that some men don't want you to talk? Either because they are ashamed of being seen with you and I don't know what else.

I really can't blame those women who are maried to their careers or their God.

These days, I can't help but wonder if am not waiting in vain 'cos I think there are no more.

This is my own opinion. You can let me know yours!

Monday, January 18, 2010

What a woman really wants: Mr. Perfect

Three nights ago, my sister,Adanna, brought home a book(this happens like one out of every hundreds). It was a novel by Linda Howard titled "Mr. perfect". Being a lover of all kinds of books fiction or not, I've never liked missing out on any book I see; old and new. Looking  at the torn form that night, I wasn't sure it would be interesting. My sis held onto that book for two days. I wasn't that bothered 'cos I had a Danielle Steel with me which was later collected by a colleague who is the owner.

As I dragged my weary self back from school last evening, all I thought was getting a well deserved rest. Our test was next week and lecturers were driving us insane with assignments, and what nots. I made sure I ironed the clothes I would wear to work this week so I wouldn't have to worry about what ladies worry about;power failures, the 'what or what not to wear' or 'what goes with what'. My siblings were watching 'Lois and Clark: the adventures of Superman' which we've watched a zillion times. I wondered what brought on the gluminess am feeling. The restlessness in me could either be 'cos I was stood up by two guys who were supposed to make my weekend or the other which always wants to ruin my week (which I will talk about another day).

I saw the book "Mr. Perfect" lying on a shelf and decided to skim though. The author started well with humour; I have little interest in books that have no humour. I found my self laughing at the themes and settings of the novel. I got to a scene where four friends, all women were talking about what they want from men.My interest was piqued. 

They've all had their fair share of bad relationships; Janine, the Heroine with three failed engagements before she clocked twentythree, Marci, the oldest among the group who's been divorced thrice,Luna who's in-love with a football who's an ego the size of the African continent and doesn't care about her,and T.J the only married lady among them but having insecurities because her husband doesn't want children. 

They all gathered together for lunch, decided then and there that instead of bemoaning their bad relationships or lack of one, they would list all they want from men. Their fantasies ofcourse. I quickly noted down all the seven points:    

  • Faithfullness 

  • Nice

  • Dependable

  • Has a steady job

  • Good sense of humour

  • Has comfortable money( they decided that rich guys tend to lord it over them)

  • Good looking and finally

  • Great in bed
The four of them knew the List were just "fantasies" So instead of bemoaning their loses they congratulated themselves on their 'independence' because no man is worth pining for. Is this true? I looked back on my own long(believe it) lists of relationships which doesn't survive six months each, I couldn't help but wonder.

Do I share their views.Yes I do. Everyone is allowed fantasies, if they can't have the real thing, aren't they? Men also dream about having Ms. Perfect. When they realise before and after they've gotten married to their choice, wondering if they got what they bargained for. Some of them may start to give their wives the silent treatment.   

How many husbands or boyfriends out there calls there spouses endearing names? Do you know that there are lazy husbands? Some men still beat their wives. This same woman that carry their chidren for nine months each with no help...........

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Marriage

My best friend got married last year and a few months later she gave birth and I thought; that's how a marriage should be. U know filled with Love, Trust, Friendship, laughter and children. This isn't back in the day and they accepted themselves as they are. They are young, cute and all. 
When I look at married couples today, the thought of marriage flees with alarming speed from my mind. Because I thought it is the end of all struggles of life.
Looking at the Bible's perspective which i respect alot, It says in Gen 2 vs 24
"a man shall therefore leave his father and mother and is joined to his wife to become one"
It also goes further to say that "what God as joined together,let noman put asunder" People are easily forgetting that. We ladies forget that whichever choices we make, we have to live with it for the rest of our lives , remember the phrase 'for better for worse'? Even if he commits adultery, he is your choice.
I feel bad when i hear about marriages that i root for falling. I ask them what they where thinking of in the first place? didn't you know about his bad habits before u married him? More importantly, didn't you guys court? Some even go to the extent of living together before marriage and still have problems.  
I can hear someone ask me "are u married?" How did you know all these things? Well I've lived with my parents all my life, spent time with married couples and singles, was "almost" married in 2008 to someone I barely knew who was in a hurry to get married. I pray it answers the question.

As I blogged before, I believe in happily everafters, the cinderella stories et al. I believe its still possible. How, you may ask, its by going on your knees in prayer and asking God for "your own" So many of want fairly used( that married men) because you feel or think they are ready made. I think its better we help ours develop and turn, change or make them into what we want them to be.

I once had a woman that I reverred. I regarded her as my God mother. I'll call her Mummy X for anonymity. Mummy x's husband left her and her kids 'cos of an acclaimed infidelity on her part. I didn't understand all that 'cos I was young when all that was going on; all I saw was a young woman rejected over and over by her husband, struggling to eke out aliving for her 2 kids. Then she met one man; married man for that matter and everything about her changed. 
I 'll continue later. But for now: 
Ourie voir!  

Long time no see

On my way home from work yester-evening, guess who I saw? Michael; my once upon a time "boyfriend" I've had a crush on him for years b4 he asked me out.And when he did I started believing in dreams.


He's a cute guy. Must admit atleast that. He's also, I believe closer to God than others are, which i like more than anything in a man. Another is that he's close and respectful to his mom; another feather.But I found that we aren't operating on the same levels. When I'm with him I feel disconnected from him. We make up and break up everytime which is normal for every relationship, but we don't understand ourselves.


He thinks am a snob. And I think he wants to use me. And yet we feel drawn somehow to ourselves. We met almost a decade ago, when I was still living with my cousin. He used to come around that area to see his friends.The first time he asked me out or rather asked me to be his girlfriend I was flattered but i turned him down telling him "If we are destined together, we will be, whatever will be will be" Laughable isn't it?


So many of us find ourselves in this kind of relationships. We'd all get to a point where we ask ourselves questions; what am I doing here? Why do I allow him/ her to treat me like dirt, as if I don't exist. Whatever questions we may have for staying in an oppressive or uncomfortable relationship, its not worth it.


I guess I stayed out of loneliness. No one wants to be alone. So we end up taking what we shouldn't take. Though its different if u're in love with the person not the idea of him. Your relationship might have some hope when u pray fervently.


For those married, am sorry, don't bother looking for a way out 'cos u're in it for life. You said "For better for worse" I think am going to write about what i think abt this next.

Monday, January 11, 2010

The year of Restoration

 01-01-10 dawned bright and clear. Guess what? It's a new year. A new decade. The much anticipated year . A year i'd have to pursue my dream course in a university finally!  Following history, holidays have always found me either being mad @ one of my sisters or one of my parents.


Am usually not one for holidays. I don't really know why but every time it's close to the xmas and new year celebrations , am always in a bad mood. When am supposed to be celebrating. It may be that I felt no reason for celebration.


So on this new day of this new year and decade, I shook off that feeling. This was new and am gonna make the most of it. I started the decade with a new hairdo, unique manicure and ofcourse went back to sleep.


I remembered the candlelight night @ Canaanland, where Papa talked about this year, how it's going to be a year of retoration of all those things that we have been dispossesed of. I told myself that I would try my best to be closer to God than i've ever been.


But I was close to breaking that vow when I met Wale. Wale; who gave me my first kiss years ago, who also taught me how to kiss. The only one I've considered ever dating. That can still turn my brain tto mush and send all my morality codes to blazes. He called me that night asking me to meet him, ofcourse I agreed. Santa was not around to make my day as usual and he's this ........asking me to meet him. I dressed in my hmmmn best and off i went. Hoping for my first new year gift; which i got. 


Oooooh, I got a feeling that this year, decade is gonna to be a good one indeed!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

What MJ means 2 moi

It is very hard to state the import of Michael Jackson in the world and in Music in general. I've never had to talk or write about what Michael Jackson meant and still means to me. I have his life and death dvd at home which I play everytime I get. I've loved MJ before I got into my teens. It was his good looks that i loved the most. Next was his dance steps. I was amazed at how a person could be revered as a king.

I had no idea there were other musicians. Billie Jean was still making waves and Black and white couldn't seem to stop. This was in middle nineties, when his bad press and controversies started . When I had that a group was planning to bring him to Nigeria, I was elated. I envisioned him as a prince coming to his hometown which he'd left long ago.

Not many weeks later, a neighbour told me that my "boyfriend" had to "bleach his skin" to become a white man because he hated the black colour. I was furious. I couldn't check if these facts were really true (how could I) I was barely ten years old. I've never seen a computer before and tabloids/newspaper were a few days old if not weeks old before i lay my hands on them.


Then in 2001, he released you rock my world and I fell in love with him all over again. I was in a public high school then so I got the lyrics. Believe it or not, public school students have access to somethings that even private students envy.

"You rock my world you know you did and everything am gonna give 
and there aren't nothing we could find someone like you to call mine" 
  
It was wonderful 'cos i don't know how else to describe. I just knew that MJ was rocking my world and he didn't know about it.

 MJ was a living Legend. His music music will live forever and ever. When I read and watched his history, past and present I felt for him. I understood firsthand that there's a price to pay for every fame, every dream you want to achieve or you've achieved.

He paid every price for it. When he was presented with a Grammy legend award in 1994 by Janet, his sister, who said she was honoured and blessed to have him as a mentor and as her brother, MJ said he's stopped blaming God or anyone for how and why he was raised without a childhood. He had started to think of himself a an instrument of nature to touch people's lives.

He also said it's a relief, to be finally regarded as a person and not a personality.

How many celebrities still think thus? How many can face those accusations without breaking  down like Britney did? How many can boast of 39 charity foundations? Why was he asked to do 50 shows? Why did he agree? What has his family to say? Where were his friends when he was battling addiction?

These and many more questions kept running through my mind as i tried to assert why he died and how.

When I heard on CNN, on June 26, 2009 that he died after a cardiac arrest the day before, I went down on my knees. I couldn't close my mouth. It's as if my uncle, very close to me has died. It was everywhere on Tv, print; tabloids and dailies and it still is. It made headlinesand I tried as much as possible to read them all, which i did.

Months later i was still reading trying to know just one thing: why? I went on net using wikipedia and it gave me informations that made tears run down my cheeks. There were quotes upon quotes by him. They were about a man who is human but regarded as a god, king, prince etc. He was not expected to make mistakes. Every little thing he did was noted and emulated, when all he wanted was some privacy.

He was a star and the leader of the still highest boy band groups; the Jackon five. I'm sorry I I can still go on and on but I can't continue, like I said b4 it's hard to assert his affluence.

His story rocked my world and I know its still rocking other peoples' life. It wasn't until Santa told me that he made himself a sacrificial lamb for music lovers that I let him rest in peace.